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How To Help Your Child Accept an Upcoming Move

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Moving is a big change for anyone. But if you have children, the process of moving can be more complex. Kids react differently to the process, and oftentimes they struggle with their feelings about it. At least at first.

So if you’re planning to move and have a kid who’s coming along, learn how to help them with the transition no matter their age.

Why Is Moving So Hard on Kids?

As an adult, moving is stressful. You have to deal with packing, hiring movers, relocating to a new area, and maybe changing jobs. But children have to deal with the disruption on top of not having a choice in the move happening at all. They’re at the whims of the adult reasons for moving, like new employment, divorce, or cost of living.

It’s important to keep in mind that a lot of distress can come from that feeling of helplessness. As a grown-up, you might understand why a move is necessary even if it’s unpleasant, but all children know is that they’re leaving behind a home and community that they have grown attached to, which can be confusing and anxiety-inducing.

 

“Bringing up the topic over the dinner table will cause far less stress than giving them the news when you’re driving to school. Wait until the whole family is gathered, and there’s not much else going on”

 

Moving also often requires a child to change schools. That means having to get to know new teachers and peers, and find a way to join new social groups. And if a move is due to divorce, there is an added layer of trauma that can compound the stress involved. That can add up to a lot of sudden life changes happening at once, and it’s easy for kids to get overwhelmed.

How To Talk To Your Kids About Moving

If you are planning to move, it’s important to talk to your kids beforehand and help them mentally prepare for the transition. Here are a few tips and suggestions to keep in mind:

  • Be upfront about the move: The more time you can give your child to adjust to the idea of moving, the better
  • Children may have different reactions: Some may be excited, others may be sad, and some might be frustrated. Try to be understanding and patient, and adjust your approach to how your child might be feeling.
  • Choose a time and place to have the conversation that feels relaxed: Bringing up the topic over the dinner table will cause far less stress than giving them the news when you’re driving to school. Wait until the whole family is gathered, and there’s not much else going on
  • Focus on the positive aspects of your move: Maybe there’s a cool new park across the street, a popular zoo in town, or the home is within walking distance of fun shops and restaurants. Your child getting the opportunity to decorate their own room is also something they could look forward to
  • Reassure your child: Let them know that they can come to you with any questions or concerns they may have, and listen to their feelings of sadness, loss, and anxiety

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Before and After a Move: How To Make Each Step Easier on Your Child

There’s a lot going on during a move, and not only can a child’s feelings differ depending on whether they’re packing or realizing how unfamiliar their new home is, but how old they are can affect how they react to each change.

These general guidelines are a good place to start if you’re looking for a little insight as to what could come in the future from your child, or what might be behind some of their behavior.

Toddlers

Moving can be especially challenging for toddlers, as they are still developing their sense of self and are beginning to form attachments to people and places. Toddlers thrive on routine and predictability, so a move can be a distressing disruption. They may also experience separation anxiety when moving away from familiar people, such as caregivers and family members. That’s why it’s important to approach the situation with your toddler the right way, both before and after moving day.

Before moving day

  • Take your child to your new community ahead of the actual day of the move so they can see what it’s like
  • Maintain your toddler’s regular routine as much as possible
  • Pack their belongings last and unpack them first to minimize disruption
  • On moving day, be sure to bring along some familiar items, such as a favorite blanket or toy, to help your child feel more secure

After moving day

  • Stick to your former routine as much as possible in your new place
  • Keep connections with familiar people, such as friends and caregivers, through phone calls, video chats, or social media.
  • Go on short visits to common spaces that are free to access like parks, libraries, and community centers to help your toddler get used to your new town and make positive, fun associations with it
  • Try signing up for local playdates and parenting groups on social media, such as Facebook, Nextdoor, and community bulletin boards

School Aged Kids

Just because a child is older doesn’t mean moving is any easier on them. School-aged kids can better understand the moving process and what it means, but they also understand what they’re leaving behind more fully, and might struggle to adjust to a new school and area. Plus, moving can disrupt their education in general, as they may have to transfer and catch up on any missed material, which only adds to the general stress of moving.

Before Moving Day

  • Get them involved in the planning and decision-making process of the move, such as giving them a box to pack their special belongings. This gives them a better sense of confidence and control over the situation.
  • Discuss what your child can expect from the move early and often. That includes what their new school will be like
  • If your child is feeling hesitant about starting a new school, you can research it together and look up campus maps or Google Street Views so they feel more prepared.
  • To ease the feelings of loss if your child is forced to move far away from schoolmates, extended family, or friends, try throwing a pre-move get-together/going-away party at their favorite restaurant, play area, or park

After Moving Day

  • Letting your child pick out what color you’ll paint their room or how they want the furniture arranged can help get them excited about the new space
  • Starting in the middle of a school year, getting used to a new area, or homesickness for the old place may mean your child acts different than normal, or acts out completely. Give them space to feel these big feelings, but help them channel them into a productive activity, hobby, or sport
  • Plan something extra special for after their first day of school. They might not be comfortable or having fun right away, but you can ensure they have something to look forward to
  • Check-in on how they’re doing during the first few weeks. Games like High Low Buffalo can help make conversation easier without feeling like their parents are giving them the third degree

Teens

Moving can be particularly hard on a teenager. They often have strong social connections with their peers, so moving away can make them feel like they are losing their sense of identity and community.

 

“As a grown-up, you might understand why a move is necessary even if it’s unpleasant, but all children know is that they’re leaving behind a home and community that they have grown attached to, which can be confusing and anxiety-inducing.”

 

Teenagers are in the process of developing their sense of self, which moving can disrupt — they may feel like they have to start over and redefine themselves in their new surroundings. Teens can also have a hard time leaving behind support systems like friends, teachers, mentors, and other adults who have been important in their lives.

Before Moving Day

  • Break the news gently — but soon. Discussing the move early will give you plenty of time to help your teen feel comfortable and prepared
  • Keep their social connections intact by supporting old friendships after the move. Try helping your teen organize a going-away party, a housewarming get-together at the new place, or game/movie nights online
  • Teens value independence, so allow them to make their own decisions as much as possible. They can pack their own belongings, set up their new room, and choose which electives or advanced courses they’ll take at their new school

After Moving Day

  • Give your teen time to decompress. Allowing some leeway on less-important chores or other tasks will help them adjust much faster
  • There might be an activity, job opportunity, or extracurricular in the area of your new place that wasn’t at your old one. Even if there isn’t, help your teen rebuild their social network by asking what they’d like to participate in and assist them with the process
  • At a time they could use them the most, much of a teen’s support system made up of teachers, mentors, and other adults who have been important in their lives might still be near their old place. As with friends, keeping in touch with these people is important to help your teen transition to their new home.

Remember, you know your child best! Adjusting any of this advice to something that works for you and your family is the right course of action. And if you notice your child struggling to cope with the move, don’t be afraid to enlist the help of a professional. A counselor or therapist can help your child work through their feelings and adjust to the changes.

There might be some rough patches, but with a little help, your child can settle in and thrive whenever your upcoming move takes them.

How To Move With an Autistic Child

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Moving can be more complex when you have kids, but parents with an autistic child may find it particularly challenging. Autism presents in many ways, though it’s common for children with autism to struggle with changes to their environment and routine. That can lead to anxiety and behavioral issues.

About one in 100 children has autism, according to the World Health Organization. Which means it’s a challenge that many families face. In other words, you’re not alone. And with the right strategy, moving from one home to another can go smoothly for everyone involved. 

What Is Autism? 

Autism (AKA autism spectrum disorder) is a developmental disability caused by differences in the brain, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Some of the common symptoms of autism include difficulty with social interactions and communication, as well as repetitive behaviors or interests.

 

“…talk about how your child will have a nearby park to play in, their own bedroom to decorate, or some other benefit…The more comfortable you can make them feel with the idea now, the less unsettling it will seem when moving day arrives.”

 

That’s why it’s important to take special care when moving with an autistic child and ensure the process isn’t too disruptive to their daily life. You may be thinking that’s easier said than done, but you can ease some of the strain on your child by anticipating some of the challenges you may face. 

Again, autism exists on a spectrum and no two autistic children are alike. However, there are some commonalities that may surface during a move.

They’re routine-driven

Routines are often very important to children with autism. The foods they eat, when they go to bed, and the route they take to school, are all routines that may help your child manage anxiety and feel a sense of control over their surroundings. Meanwhile, a disruption in these routines can be difficult to cope with. 

Clearly, moving is a very big disruption. That’s why it can help to maintain routines as much as possible. You may not be able to control the amount of clutter in your home as you clean and pack, but you might make sure your child eats lunch at the same time every day and is able to get dressed in the order they prefer. The more you can maintain a sense of structure even while moving tasks are happening, the better. 

They’re sensory-sensitive or sensory-seeking

Sensory issues are also quite common in children with autism. They may be oversensitive to loud sounds, bright lights, or objects being handled roughly. Other children may constantly seek out sensory input. This may involve staring at shiny objects and sunlight, listening to loud music, or moving their body a lot. 

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In either case, the process of moving can present a lot of new stimuli, which may be distracting or irritating for your child. So it’s important to minimize overstimulation as much as possible to keep your child comfortable and prevent behavioral issues caused by stress. 

They have specific ways of playing and organizing

Children with autism often have particular interests or behaviors. This might manifest as being very organized, playing with toys the same way every time, lining up toys or other objects, and getting upset if something is moved or changed.

As you can imagine, a child with these characteristics might get quite upset when their belongings are picked up and packed away, or furniture is moved around. Again, the more you can minimize the disruption to their environment, the better. 

They can be uncomfortable with social interaction

Finally, children on the autism spectrum may have difficulty with social interaction and interpreting other people’s behavior. If you hire professional movers, your child may feel threatened by their presence in the home. Talking to your child ahead of time and preparing them for the idea that strangers will be present to help with moving can alleviate some of that stress.

Tips To Make Your Family Move Autism-Friendly

Things to do before you move

One of the most important steps in moving with an autistic child is to set aside plenty of time for planning. Below are a few things you should take care of before getting started on packing and moving, which will help your child adjust to the transition.

1. Talk with your kid’s team

First, know that you don’t have to handle this on your own. There are likely a number of professionals who know your child and can lend some insight and advice. Plus, it’s a good idea to give your child’s teachers, therapists, doctors, etc. a heads-up that you are moving. That way, if your child shows changes in behavior or mood, or becomes disruptive, they’ll understand why and can adjust their approach accordingly. 

2. Set a date

Next, choose the best time to move based on your family’s schedule, and ensure you have plenty of time to help your child adjust to the idea of moving. You don’t want the process to feel rushed, which only adds extra stress for you and your child. 

3. Talk about the move early and often

The last thing you want is for moving to feel like a surprise or a major disruption to your child. It’s helpful to start talking about it early, well before you start packing up their clothes and toys. It’s also important to frame the idea of moving to a new place as a positive thing for your child and the whole family.

For instance, talk about how your child will have a nearby park to play in, their own bedroom to decorate, or some other benefit that may come about by moving to a new home. The more comfortable you can make them feel with the idea now, the less unsettling it will seem when move day arrives.

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4. Find your new community 

Make sure you have a support system in place at your new location. That goes for your child and for you. In addition to finding a new school, counselor, etc. for your child, look into community groups for parents in similar situations. You’ll not only have an outlet for discussing challenges and asking questions, but you might also make new friends. 

Things to do while you’re packing

Once it’s time to get started packing up your belongings, try these tips to keep things calm and orderly.

1. Don’t rush! Organize and spread out moving tasks 

It’s common for move day to feel chaotic — there are items being thrown into boxes, people running up and down stairs, and strangers going in and out of rooms. This can be overwhelming to a child who is easily overstimulated or requires a strict routine. 

So instead of squishing all of your moving tasks into a matter of a couple of days, take your time and make the packing process more low-key. Spread out packing over a couple of weeks so it feels like a minor occurrence each day. If you need to uninstall or move large pieces, consider waiting until your child is not around. 

2. Encourage your kid to get involved 

Some children with autism may respond well to being included in the moving process. Older children, in particular, may enjoy helping with packing their own belongings or labeling boxes, which can provide a sense of control.

Things to do on moving day

Once moving day arrives, it’s important to have a game plan. Here’s how to handle what’s potentially the most stressful part of your move.

1. Don’t hesitate to ask for help 

While it’s great if you can get your child involved in the moving process, that’s not always realistic. Some children may be too young or resistant.

 

“About one in 100 children has autism, according to the World Health Organization. Which means it’s a challenge that many families face. In other words, you’re not alone.”

 

If that’s the case, you might be better off removing them from the situation completely, if possible. If there’s a family member or friend that your child feels comfortable with, ask if they can watch them during the most hectic parts of your move. 

2. Keep your kid’s key comfort objects handy 

Many kids have certain objects that they’re attached to, such as a blanket or toy, or even a song or video. It’s even more common for autistic children to be strongly attached to a particular item. So if your child has any belongings that help them feel calm and secure, make sure these are on hand to ease the transition. 

3. Plan the route in advance

When possible, try to know your route ahead of time so you don’t get stuck in traffic or get lost. The more you can minimize traffic, construction noises, and extra time stuck in the car between your old place and your new home, the better. 

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4. Make some time for yourself to unwind 

You might scoff at the idea of taking time to “relax” amid all the hustle and bustle of moving. But it’s really important that you set aside some time to meditate, go for a run, get your hair done, or whatever it takes to put you in a calmer mindset.

Remember, our kids tend to feed off the energy we put out. So if you’re able to go into the big day as relaxed as possible, there’s a good chance your child will as well.

Things to do once you’re settling in

Coming home to an unknown space can be jarring for your child. So take the time to help your child get acclimated to their new surroundings.

Set up your kid’s room together

Once you get moved into your new place, it’s important to try and re-establish a routine as soon as possible. One great way to do that is by making your child’s room the first one you set up. Try to emulate the layout they had at your old place so it doesn’t feel as foreign, and consider these design tips to meet your child’s needs. 

Give your kid a tour

Remember that awesome park you’ve been telling your child about? Now is the time to visit. In fact, riding around in the car and pointing out their new school, the local children’s museum, and any other points of interest will help them get to know their new neighborhood. Keep the conversation positive and nurturing. 

Having a child with autism can present extra challenges when it comes to life events and daily activities – moving included. However, it doesn’t have to be a chaotic, stressful process. Having a strategic plan and investing time in preparing your child for the eventual move can help quite a bit.

A Parent’s Guide to Moving Schools

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Moving + Kids = New Schools. I’m no math teacher, but that equation seems pretty darn accurate to me.

When you’re moving with kids, chances are your kids are going to have to MOVE SCHOOLS. This transition will look very different for each individual child; some may take the move pretty hard and others may be excited to start fresh at a new school. Regardless of how your student will take the transition, it’s important for you to do your homework. Yes, you have homework!! (more…)

7 Tips to Prepare Your Kids for a Move

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The process of uprooting your family to move long distance is an exciting, but stressful time. For children, these exciting, stressful, overwhelming emotions can be magnified and the process of moving can become a traumatic one if parents do not make a conscious effort to prepare their kids for the big move.

During this transition time, it is important for parents to give their children the support they need in order to make the move a positive time for the kiddos. Here are a few things to keep in mind throughout the process. (more…)

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